LET’S RAP WITH CAP!

capohno

An edited transcript of the debriefing of Captain America, part 23

Hello, Captain. How are you today.

“Uh. A bit better. I guess.”

Have you been studying?

“Oh, yes, ma’am. I’ve reviewed the material thoroughly.”

Okay. Are you ready to get started?

“No time like the present.” (chuckles) “Yes, ma’am. I’m ready.”

Okay. Who had a hit song with “Love And Marriage”?

“Frank Sinatra!”

What year did Jack Benny die?

“Uh. Nineteen Seventy … Four?”

That’s right. Who landed on the moon and in what year?

“AMERICA! Uh, I mean Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins. July, 1969.”

Who was Jimi Hendrix and what was his connection to the year 1969?

“He was a black guitar player who performed at a musical concert called ‘Woodstock’. ”

Fill in the blank. ‘Sock It To ____’?

“The Axis? Just kidding. ‘Me’?”

Who was Captain Kirk?

“I knew a Captain Kirk once. At Tarawa. Nice guy. He was a carpenter before he enlisted. I think he was from Iowa.”

Uh, Cap?

“Hard fighting at Tarawa. Those boys were in school all day. The Japanese wouldn’t give up. A lot of good men died at Tarawa.”

Cap?

“I remember this one kid, couldn’t have been older than nineteen. There were snipers everywhere. I hate snipers. Hate ’em. Come out and fight like a man. Anyway, this kid …”

Cap!

“Oh. Sorry. Uh, Kirk. He, uh. He drove a spaceship. I told you. I reviewed the material thoroughly.”

Okay.

“Ask me a real question.”

I’m just here to cover the Pop Culture parts that you missed. Name the Beatles.

“There’s John. Paul. Um. (pause). Ring-y? Ringo! And George.”

Favorite David Bowie song?

“Golden Years.”

What is Punk Music?

“Not to my taste.”

Rap Music?

“Some of it’s pretty catchy. It’s like jazz, almost. With more drums. And they talk instead of sing.”

Heavy Metal Music?

“Again, not to my taste. (pause) A bit too Teutonic for me.”

Okay.

“If those long-haired weirdos could see what they’re celebrating, they’d change their tunes pretty quickly.”

Okay, Cap. Name a Grunge Band.

“Grunge. Grunge. Think. (long pause) Not the Beatles. Not the Rolling Stones. Um. Pearl …. Garden?”

I think that’s enough for today.

NEXT – LET’S LEVEL WITH DAREDEVIL! in which we tell him he’s blind.

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